LosingIt4ever

I have been going through all this junk now for almost a year, and still no surgery. Medicaid has denied me now three time. They are trying one last time simply because I have done everything that medicaid requires and they feel that they are not doing me right. So, with that said. I might know for sure tomorrow. If I am denied again the Dr’s office has already said that they were going to stop taking medicaid all together!

I am at the point right now where I really do not care anymore. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that Medicaid really does not care about me anyways. All they care about is getting out of  paying anything at all. They are telling me no now, and they have absolutely no reason at all to deny me after what they have put me through. Even the Rhonda told them, “She has done everything you all said she had to do and she meets all your guidelines!”

Whatever, I really do not care…because all they are going to do is deny me again for the 4th time! 

I have one more thing to do and that is my Endoscopy that I need to pass. after that its my health and physical exam and then everything gets sent in for approval.

We know that my surgery will be sometime next month, but we do not have a date set as of yet. Have to be approved before that part can happen.

Does anyone know what happened to the ones we used to be able to save for ourselves ? I went to look and it is no where to be found anywhere.

Well, I’m back. Dont exactly know why, but I am. I dont really know what all to say to be honest about it. I do know one thing. It may not be what everyone agrees with, but I have decided to have the lapband surgery done as soon as medicaid pays for it !

My husband and I have done a lot of reading on it and we have even talked to Dr’s who have had it done themselves, and we feel very comfortable with it. It is something that I feel is right for me.  I just wish medicaid would hurry up and get things done is all.

I have more aches and pains now than I ever have. Not only does my back hurt me but it hurts me in more than one place now. My legs hurt my ankles hurt and the bottom of my feet hurt, not to mention my chest bothering me and the fact that I almost cannot walk now. I have even had to get some home help now with keeping things done around here, which I have had trouble with for years now. In short, my body really is getting worse and I can feel it happening very slowly. I cannot even stand at the stove and cook a meal. That is how bad it has gotten for me now. Last week I had to miss Church because my back was hurting me so bad that I was either flat of my back in my recliner, or in the bed for the week.

This morning I go to Physical Therapy. I will be doing this twice a week for a month.

Right now I am very hungry, but I flat out refuse to eat !  For breakfast I will go back to my original 1 slice of toast with one poached egg.

I apologize for not posting like I should. I was very stupid for not doing so. I was also very stupid in not trying any more. I have also made up my mind that I am not waiting for any surgery to be approved. I cannot afford to wait any longer. I no longer have a choice here!

Ok, I am hurting so I have to go. Please keep me in your prayers, I really do need it!

Michelle

I do not know what all have changed for me, but I am looking at food differently some how. I guess a way that I could put it is that, I could care less for it. I do not know if it is just that my mind has taken over because of all the pain I have been having with my back, or what.  It’s like I fel the determination in my head .. if that akes many sense. 

I mean its like, when I sit down to eat I’ll have two big burgers on my plate, right? But only one gets eatin and then I don’t want the other because I am just not all that much into it.

Don’t take me wrong, I am not complaining at all.  I have not had any kind of surgery at all that would make me feel this way … Do any of you feel the exact same way as I do? Someone who hasn’t had any WLS.

Thanks

Michelle

1. I am afraid of the attitude that I might have after losing the weight, & of what I may become.

2. I am afraid of the way men will look at me after I have lost the weight. 

4.  I would be happy with myself, along with feel a lot better also.

5. I would be able to buy my clothes in the store without having to order them from Blair.

6. To be able to love myself a lot more, & maybe even like myself better than I do now.

7. I would be able to sleep a lot better than I can now.

8. I would be able to go to the ladies prayer advance.

9. I’d be able to be a better wife & mother.

10 I’d have a lot more energy than I do right now.

11. No more back problems

12. No more chest pains

13. No more knee hurting

14. I’d be able to live a lot longer

15. I’d be able to breathe a lot better

16. I’d be able to fit on a bus and other things without having to worry if I am too big.

17. Because if I don’t my weight is going to kill me.

18. So that maybe I can help other people like me. 

Things That Hinder Me From Losing Weight

1. Getting discouraged and giving up.

2. Being able to move around much, such as walking etc .

3. Being addicted to food.  (Living to eat, instead of eating to live – The love of food)

4. I look at myself and feel like what’s the use.

5. Not losing the weight fast enough.

Here lately for a while I have not been able to write, I can sit here for a few minutes now but not long. I have been down in the bed with my back. I’ve not been able to bend or anything along those lines because it hurts to bad.

Just wanted to come on to let you all know what all was going on with me and that I have not given up!

Love & Hugs,

Michelle

Sorry I have been away for a bit. I have not been feeling all that well, and the time that I have I have had to deal with my son’s girlfriend wanting him to go to a “dance.”

Anywho, I am here for now. All is the same as far as I know. Very cold today.  We had flurries in the middle of the night, but it didn’t stick. The roads were suppose to be iced over early this morning, but it wasn’t thank God. Was able to get out and go to Church.  We have Choir practice at 5:30 Pm, so I will be out of here pretty early because I am going to go to wal-mart I think.

Any ways, All is fine. Ya’ll have a great day and God Bless !!

Michelle

Thanks for all the feedback to my last entry. You are right, it is something that none of us can change.  I know that he will include me in his life because we are just so close to each other.

We have told him many times that he can live here as long as he wants, and at this point he doesn’t want to go anywhere. But one thing we will not do is let him and his wife live here with us if he does end up getting married one day.

For one, we live in a two bedroom Trailor

Two, They will eventually want to have a family of their own … and there is not enough room

Three, he needs to be out on his own with the one he eventually marrys … they need to make a life of their own.

Off Topic :

I found something out today and I want to share it with all of you. I  had told you all once before how I really wanted to have the LapBand surgery done, but Medicaid would not pay for it. Well, I got a call today from someone who works with Pat McElraft and she told me that the reason Medicaid would not pay for it is because the FDA had something to do with it and that it was still in the experimental stage. Well, she told me today that it is now out of that stage and is now on its way of going through all the steps that has to be done and once that is completed she said that Medicaid will pay for it. She said that she is guessing that it may be a year at the most, but that is only a guess on her part of it.

At any rate, I am very excited and I honestly cannot wait. I would be lieing to you if I told you that I did not care, because I do. Any ways I just wanted to share that with you. Why? Because I do care about you all and I know that you all care about me. I have not held anything back from you all, and I am not about to start now.  

Love & Hugs

Michelle